Happy birthday. If you can call it 'happy'

Marking 50 years of singles charts, Christina Aguilera makes number one with Dirrty Skanky Ho Upskirt Will You Rub My Tits As Well Rub My Clitring.

People have gone out and bought this record.

In God's name: why? If you have bought it, please, please just take a couple of moments out of your apparently busy schedule to explain why.

Email christinaaguileria@bothsidesnow.co.uk and tell us what made you do it. Thank you.