Wednesday, May 25, 2005

WHAT THE POP PAPERS SAY: Out of sync

It's a quirk of going to look at monkeys and postmen all over the place that this week's pop papers is looking at the NME just gone, but that's the way it goes. This weeks, by the way, features Meg White interviewing Jack; last week's featured exclusive stills from the new video. Jack White has got some even worse facial hair going on.

In the coverage of the Pete Doherty documentary (which showed on Channel 4 to a general level of boredom), its described as being the film "which landed Pete in jail" - although, surely, it was beating the shit out of Max Carlish which did that?

D12's Bizarre gets the Peter Robinson treatment, which is on a par with interviewing Mickey Pearce or Paul from Cheers; barely supporting cast level affairs.

Paul Stokes makes an impassioned plea for ticket scalping to be made illegal, but actually cross-references a separate controversy by accident: he refers to Glasto's ID card as being "government-endorsed." Only, actually, as the Guardian reported, despite what the adverts for CitizenCard had claimed, they've never been approved, backed, or otherwise given a thumbs-up by the Home Office or any other branch of government. CitizenCard also was forced to admit that its claims to be supported by "most banks" also was untrue. Not entirely sure how a company that's supposed to vouch for other's bona fides can be quite so loose with its own claims.

"We think the Bravery are shit. They sound like a boyband that's been indied up" spits Leila Moss out the Duke Spirit, and although we have a soft spot for the Bravery, we're too scared to disagree. "We're a proper fucking band. We lug our own equipment around," she says. Although she should just tell other people to do that for her. They'd say yes.

reviews
live
oasis - london astoria - "a new sense of humour has seeped into the music"
the pipettes - camden barfly - "it's a giggle"
gang gang dance - london spitz - "primitive freestyle pop"
the paddingtons - london silhouette/100 club - "the moshpit broils; chaos looms"

albums
the white stripes - get behind me satan - "the real, strange, artistic deal", 8
art brut - bang bang rock and roll - "might whiff at first of evil irony, but...", 7
kelly osbourne - sleeping in the nothing - "the worst effluence of 80s disco pop", 4

tracks
totw - the magic numbers - forever lost - "soon to be as popular as food"
teenage fanclub - fallen leaves - "layered with lush strums"

so, since then, there's been other stuff: The Kaiser Chiefs are everywhere, aren't they? The Guardian Guide reckons they're the Victoria Wood of art-pop, but to be honest every time we hear their single we like them and their Madness/Gene fusion just a little bit less. And they say things in interview like (Nick) "I prefer going to gay bars with my girlfriend because you never get a group of lads going 'woooahy'" and (Ricky) "Gay men have all the best fun. They can wear the best clothes, go to the best clubs, snog the best-looking boys. I'm stuck with girls. Come on! Throw a couple of boys my way" - which is both irfuriating and stupid. And meaningless. Brett Anderson is still being clobbered ten years on for the entirely reasonable "bisexual man who's never had a gay experience" comment, but nobody seems to be in any way bothered at this bunch of lazy, insulting bollocks. Ricky, if you're straight, why would you be jealous of men kissing the best looking boys? And isn't "gay men - they're so stylish" as equally tired and knuckle-headed as "black men have such great rythym"?

It was Observer Music Monthly Sunday; the issue was based around Charlotte Church; the OMM, it seems, is happy to buy in to the belief that Chazza is, indeed,"groundbreaking" and "visionary." Groundbreaking? Even Aled Jones released a rock CD, it's not the first time someone's tried to shift from the sacred to the profane; it might be that Church is about to pull off a remarkable transition, but with all the press coverage being front-loaded, we don't get the impression anyone at the label is convinced the music is going to carry itself. Much of her interview with Barbara Ellen churns around the tabloid stories; explaining why she had to hit this ex-boyfriend, and so on."It might not be too much of a leap to imagine her being hailed the 'female Robbie'" muses Ellen; oddly, she doesn't seem to realise that, depressingly, that's very likely the outcome.

The "most X-rated records ever" forms the top 10 - Serge and Jane at number one; no placing at all for the Moors Murderers' Free Myra Hindley.

The record doctor pops down to see Sally Lindsay, who's Shelley in Corrie - she loved MIA (in common with all the reviewers and none of the record buying public) and Kirsty MacColl.

"I always enjoyed the transgender songs" says Patti Smith, before, disappointingly, concluding "my work does not reflect my sexual preferences. It's about my freedom as an artist."

And finally: Paul Morley takes VH2's 'The Next Song You Hear Will Be Great' too literaly. It was Oasis. Disappointment tastes of bitter experience.


2 comments:

Philip Eagle said...

I dunno, the Kaiser Chiefs' remarks may be silly, but they're at least positively silly. I'm surprised nobody seems to have pointed out in print that Liam Gallagher's insults directed to the next generation of bands a couple of weeks ago mostly boiled down to "You're all a bunch of fooking QUEE-YAHS! I hate QUEE-YAHS, me!"

simon h b said...

Yes, but the difference is that nobody really pays attention to even Noel these days, much less Liam who is at best treated as a confused Uncle; the Kaiser Chiefs are meant to be smart...

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