Friday, May 12, 2006

"I ONCE RETURNED A LIBRARY BOOK LATE"

There are two things known about Ronan Keating. The first is that he has a penis which could cast a shadow across three counties; the second is that he's terribly, terribly nice.

Being nice has served him well. He's doing nicely out of being nice.

But now, he's tired of being nice. In fact, he wants us to know he's a bit of a hell-raiser:

"All the Mr Nice stuff is a bit fucking annoying. I drink too much, I smoke when I'm drunk, and I wake up feeling like something's died in my mouth."

Yes, sometimes those grape kneehighs can go straight to your head. The difference, of course, Ronan, is when Keith Richards wakes up and feels like something small and furry has died in his mouth, there usually is something small and furry in there - or sometimes the Cheeky Girls, if it's been a really wild night. A half of Strongbow and a quick drag on a Senior Service doesn't make you Tommy Lee.


5 comments:

orange anubis said...

i believe ronan was stood around watching when snoop dogg had his heathrow fracas recently - perhaps desperately hoping that he'd be arrested too.

do you think he's just a bit bored, with mothers day out of the way and another 9 months till he can gear up to the next one?

Tim F said...

Does this mean that when he sings 'Fairytale Of New York' now he'll actually sing the real words, and not worry about offending people?

Anonymous said...

It's Grape Nihi, actually....

Anonymous said...

It's Grape Nehi, actually....

Anonymous said...

"The first is that he has a penis which could cast a shadow across three counties"

You know I'd heard this as well, but I direct you to the "Cosmo Naked Special". If it's that special then he appears to be hiding it somewhere.

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