Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Lay your hands on me

We've heard before about Chris DeBurgh, who claims he can heal people just by laying his hands upon them.

Aah, but so far, there haven't been many people pushing their way to the front of the crowds testifying that Chris has put his hands upon them and altered their life. Well, there was the nanny, but that wasn't quite the same thing.

We've been looking for the formerly lame, or maybe even the once-dead, and now, someone has come forward to say: yes, Chris touched me. And made me whole again.

Closer magazine has the testimony of Marisa Mackle. It might take many a muckle to make a mickle, but Mackle made a muddle all of her own. Returning home without her keys one day, she put her arm through a glass pane. It didn't get her in to her house, but it left her arm paralysed and needing fourteen painkillers every day.

Until the intercession of Chris. Notebooks out, Vatican:

“Chris took my hand and I screamed with pain. For 20 minutes he slowly moved the palm of his hand across my arm. He told me not to think about the pain any more. I couldn’t feel anything to start with, but then it became really hot, as if it was over a fire. My hand, which had been clenched into a fist but then it loosened up.

“After he’d finished, I reached for a full pint glass on the table and to my surprise, I could pick it up. It was the first time I’d been able to lift anything.”


We make that a genuine miracle - she could lift a pint.

Chris, of course, is modest about his supernatural skills:

“I try to play it down, but I found myself being able to cure people with my hands.”

He's not so modest, of course, that he won't mention curing a paralysed man.

The downside with this, of course, is the number of times Chris Rea is having to answer his door to lepers every day. "If I have to say 'you want the Lady In Red bloke, I'm the Road To Hell one' one more time, those people are going to need curative powers beyond anything DeBurgh can offer..." he mumbled, sticking a "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR MISSING LIMBS" poster in his front window.


3 comments:

karlt said...

Ah, suddenly it all makes sense. He wasn't being unfaithful to his wife he was trying to cure the nanny's cystitis.

simon h b said...

"but, Mr DeBurgh, I'm sure I don't have piles..."

Blacksheep said...

I have written three blogs relating to the rise and rise of deBurgh. He was on Ready Steady Cook yesterday with Ronan Keating. Irish Newspapers were giving out free Cds with his music. He's making a comeback and I think he's going to change his name from Chris to Christ. Check out www.Reallyannoyingshit.com

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