Gallagher: When you're in love with a beautiful woman, you gotta watch your friends

In what seems to be a dispatch either from the 1970s or a particularly unpleasant nightclub, Noel Gallagher has been defending his wife from blokes what are lookin' at his bird:

“Everyone fancies my missus. Russell Brand is always asking after her. I have no doubt he would have a go if he got half a chance. But he won’t.

“Jason Orange and all the rest of them haven’t got a sniff either — I’m the one with millions in the bank.”

There's some sliver of self-awareness there - what have I got that Brand hasn't? Publishing rights on the first Oasis album - but... oh, charming... chattel... prattle... clear the coffee table off, we're going...