Thursday, July 26, 2007

Akon goes on

Akon, who of course, can't be held responsible for dry-humping an underage girl on stage, got into more trouble at the weekend when his "after-show partying" ran on until 6.30 in the morning. The Metropolitan Police were called - apparently by other guests at London's K-West hotel.

Obviously, Akon isn't contrite:

"All my parties are wild."

Presumably, it's the fault of the hotel for allowing it to happen, or the clocks for being pointing at first thing in the morning.


James said...

To be fair on Akon, the party was supposed to finish at 3.30am but he spent another three hours dealing with the groupies' parents who'd come to pick them up, attempting to explain to them how the pinata was accidentally filled with Rohypnol and porn.

"OK everyone, time for Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Now, to ensure I don't stumble into any minor-corrupting mishaps, I've got this instructional video which will explain exactly what we need to do, so everyone gather round and watch!"
*clicks play*
"Ja, Ich liebe das donkey... *wakka-wakka guitar* Oh ja... *grunt* *hee-haw* Ugh... Ja, take das, du slutten... Ugh..."
"Whoops! I appear to be showing a group of children a hardcore bestial snuff film. I'd best turn it off... But where's the remote?! I know, I'll cover the screen with something... Oh dear, there's nothing suitable to hand. I'll just have to use my trousers. *zzzzip* There! Now nobody can see anything to pierce their innocence."
"And here come their parents! Just in time..."

Anonymous said...

Akon stays up late and has a party? And this reported by you on the same day that you mock a newspaper column for considering news of Kate Moss moving in with Ronnie Wood to be important?

Pot, kettle, black.

simon h b said...

Anon, you seem to have actually missed the story: it's not that he stayed up late having a party, it's that he was selfishly keeping an entire hotel up with his party until 6.30, and that even then it took the police to end it. It's a further example of how completely lost to self-obsession Akon is - so much so, of course, that he doesn't notice when he's dry-humping underage girls.

And, while we're at it: I was actually mocking the Sun's coverage of the Wood/Moss sleepover for clearly flailing around without knowing anything of what was going on - the reference to it being "considered so important" was because it's unusual for any other writer to be given a byline credit on La Newton's page.

The Wood/Moss thing, funnily enough, is quite an interesting development; I was commenting on the treatment, not the story itself.

simon h b said...

James... you seem a little, shall we say, over-familiar, with German Donkey Porn...

James said...

Umm... I only downloaded it for research purposes. Honest. It's for my new stage-show, 'Terry and Junior', a knockabout farce which follows the misadventures of a man who can't stop bumbling into compromising situations with children.

Peter Bowles is interested.

Post a Comment

As a general rule, posts will only be deleted if they reek of spam.