Thursday, July 05, 2007

The handbasket to hell is leaving platform one

Has it really come to this?

Wool Blend Single Breasted 2 Button Black Stripe iPod suit
£149.00

Timeless tailoring meets the latest innovations in fabric technology with our new iPod suit. A strategically placed iPod pocket houses the connector and prevents bulges, while control buttons on the inner lapel allow the wearer to operate the iPod without touching the main controls. Carefully placed loops along the lapel even help to conceal the earphone wires. So plug in, turn up your tunes and look your best, the iPod suit is the perfect choice for the modern man on the move

This, by the way, is Marks and Spencer.

And if clothes designed to save you the effort of having to press a button on an mp3 player isn't enough to suggest that evolution is now probably hurtling back towards the primordial soup, we also have to bring the OK Magazine's Most Influential list to your attention.

There's the surprising news that Katie Holmes has been nominated - since it's apparent that she doesn't even control her own toilet schedule, it's possible a harassed word-donkey on OK misheard the job as coming up with the most celebrity influenced of the year.

That interpretation is supported by the appearance of Simon Cowell - surely the only original thing he's done is to give Piers Morgan a job?

But the point at which a wretched idea really has us retching is this bit:
The 10-month-old daughter of the late Anna Nicole Smith, Dannielynn Hope, was also mentioned as a "survivor", due to being at the centre of "Hollywood's most controversial tragedies".

Since 10 month old children aren't especially influenced by events, and can't really do much more than suckle, puke and poop, we're genuinely at a loss to understand what it is that Dannielynn has done that counts as "influential". Unless OK is merely praising her dignified silence in the face of press speculation - and that, surely, is the last thing the magazine would want to encourage.


1 comment:

James said...

Next week, TopMan reveal a new suit tailored for their customers, with handy features including:
- Two mobile pockets (one for the everyday phone, one for 'business')
- Loose-fit jacket, allowing it to fit comfortably over a cheap nylon replica football shirt
- Material resistant to knives, bottles and Italian riot-police water-cannons
- Extra-large pockets to keep those court-appearance documents flat
- One of those bloody distressed-look surfing-school logos they seem to put on every pissing thing they sell these days

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