You'd have thought that a photo of Sting outside "Hamburg's top brothel" would have been one of those stories which was complete in itself - a nice balance of innuendo and eyebrows raised.
Instead Victoria Newton uses it as a launching point for what reads like a verbatim transcript of an improv night in a third-string University's student bar after closing time:
But if any of the brothel’s 40 naked models HAD caught sight of him, we’re sure he’d tell them Don’t Stand So Close To Me.
After all, Bed’s Too Big without wife TRUDIE STYLER. And Every Little Thing She Does IS Magic.
So this snap’s just bad luck on old Sting. Poor fella must wish he was Invisible, Sun.
A newspaper printed this.