Don't the Sun have a sudoku or something they can run instead of this sort of thing?:
The singer larked around with her headwear in London this weekend – changing from safari hat to Sherlock Holmes’ deerstalker.
Yes, it's Lily Allen, trying on a hat. Gordon's got photos and everything.
That nobody can quite understand why this is being reported is shown by the odd headline:
Lily: I am batty for a h-a-t-t-y
We don't know if Gordon can do shorthand, no, since you ask.
Meanwhile, Gordon is still fretting over if Ashley Cole and Cheryl Tweedy are doing it again yet. According to Smart, Cole is going to try and get Cheryl in the mood with a holiday:
To try to tempt her abroad to sort out their problems, he has also offered to take her to a secret mansion he owns in Saint-Tropez as an alternative.
A secret mansion, eh? One that presumably only Ashley and Gordon know about.
If you were trying to convince your wife you weren't misbehaving behind her back, wouldn't suddenly revealing a secret mansion be the last thing you'd want to do?
We presume Gordon means "mansion" rather than "secret mansion".
They could have more privacy there if Cheryl is embarrassed about being seen at a romantic resort with her cheating hubby.
Yes. Assuming, of course, she doesn't have a problem with the secret trip being splashed all over the cheap prints before she even gets to hear about it.
Gordon suggests that this is a "real-life" version of ITV's Celebrity Love Island - which you'd think would be warning enough for Cole, what with how that limped on in pain for two years before falling to pieces.
Is there any truth to Gordon's claims that Pete Doherty is getting kid-gloves treatment in Wormwood Scrubs, and that the rest of the jail has got the hump with this latterday Grouty? The latter half, probably, by the time the b-wing boys get their copy of the Sun this morning.