A surprise snowfall in Yellowstone, and a rapid relocation gives us a chance to cast an eye at how Gordon's been doing, and in particular, his business for this morning.
He's leading with the surprising news that Jordan is going for Gold at the 2012 Olympics. Or, rather, Peter Andre has bought her a horse and so Smart has extrapolated wildly to try and turn this into a lead story, complete with a mocked-up photo of how she would look if her face was badly superimposed on that of someone riding a horse. He presumably would have just run some photos of her tits, but - being her 30th birthday - he's got that as another story.
All this, though, looks like broadsheet behaviour compared to the desperate scraping together of copy to support a photo of Kylie wearing spectacles:
WHAT shortsighted fella could never make passes at girls who wear glasses — especially when it’s KYLIE MINOGUE who’s donned them!
The sound you can hear? It's the ghost of Dorothy Parker disinterring her body in order to grind it into a million pieces to try and stop the spinning. (Gordon means that Kylie has donned the glasses, by the way, not a girl wearing specs, nor a shortsighted man.)
Maybe Kylie could wear them to reprise one of the hits that brought her frame and fortune — like Eye Should Be So Lucky...
Or the Locomot-eye-tion, eh, Gordon?