Gordon shuffles his papers this morning and finds some photos of Lady GaGa:
SPRAY painting palm trees can be an exhausting pastime.
Just ask LADY GAGA.
The curvy chart-topper, clad in tiny black pants and high heels, could only manage a brief ten-minute graffiti session before she had to call it a day.
Hang about - since when did The Sun, scourge of the yob, start to criticise people for not putting in the hours on a vandalism kick? Are we going to see Rebekah Wade running think pieces lamenting that the gang who did the bus shelter down the street could only be arsed to smash two of the four panes of glass?
But hang on... why was GaGa painting trees anyway?
The wacky stunt on Venice Beach in Los Angeles was staged for a photoshoot.
A photoshoot? Really? She wasn't just spraypainting trees and happened to be spotted, then?
In which case, surely she only needed to do it for a few minutes while she was being photographed, didn't she?
Elsewhere, Gordon runs one of those pieces which seems to be cobbled together from a couple of vague facts and a lot of jumping to conclusions - Ricky Wilson ditching music for TV, anyone?:
KAISER CHIEFS are taking a sabbatical after single Good Days Bad Days flopped and frontman Ricky will use the time to try to break into TV.
A source said: "He’s really good on telly. Lots of people have commented on his appearances on music shows and think he comes across well.
"He’s funny and has a good manner. They want to give the band breathing space and I think he could do really well on music or youth TV."
Let's give Gordo the benefit of the doubt and assume that there really was a source and it wasn't just Pete Samson muttering something as he passed by the desk: wouldn't giving at least some sort of indication who this source might be, or what their background is, help in allowing us to work out if it's significant that the "source" thinks Wilson would be good on TV?
Because if it's someone like a controller of a channel, or a seasoned producer, that would mean something. But if it's Wilson's mum, then "I reckon he'd be great" becomes a lot less significant.
And since when would someone say "he could be a good TV presenter" only do so on the condition of anonymity? Unless, you know, you were merely allowing Wilson's agent to dictate the contents of your column in a bid to try and find their client some work. But that's not going to happen to a proper columnist, is it?