Oh, if only this story was being carried somewhere you could believe it:
CONTROVERSIAL CHRIS MOYLES, the self-proclaimed “Saviour of Radio 1”, is on his way OUT of the station’s flagship breakfast show.
He will be axed this year after he becomes the slot’s longest-serving host in September.
Radio One, as you'd expect, express surprise at the story:
Last night a Radio 1 spokesman insisted: “We’ve no plans to take Chris off breakfast. He hosts a highly successful show.”
Well, that's pretty clear. Oh... hang on, though:
But when asked how long Chris would stay at the station, the spokesman refused to comment.
Well done, Gordon (and Simon Rothstein, who gets a joint credit) - simply because you got an unequivocal statement that - officially at least - there are no plans for Chris Moyles to leave breakfast, asking a different question entirely and not getting a response proves... um, something.
Gordon also provides a thinky-thinky piece to accompany his shock revelation:
WHEN Chris Moyles took over breakfast in 2004, the show was in terminal decline.
Was it? Really? Terminal?
And, sure, the ratings have improved under Moyles, but much of the credit for that should be taken by the increasingly rubbish commercial sector putting up less and less competition.
Zoe Ball and Sara Cox never filled the boots of Chris Evans, the best in the slot’s history.
Mark Radcliffe and Marc Riley (aka Lard) carried on but were too old for the gig. Moyles now faces the same end.
Interesting choice of words - "carried on"? Especially odd since Mark and Marc came before Zoe and Sara. And didn't they get moved not because they were "too old", but because they were too smart for the breakfast slot? After all, if their crime was being too elderly for Radio One's audience, it's surprising they thrived in the afternoon slot for so long afterwards, surely?
His brash, arrogant, no-holds-barred, bully-boy personality was the shock-jock style Radio 1 needed then. But it’s time for The Saviour to move on.
Ah, yes. Radio One really needed a bully at breakfast. Did you read that back before you hit print, Gordon?
The breakfast hotseat has a shelf life and sadly Moyles is past his sell-by date.
Sadly, we no longer need an arrogant breakfast braggart. The modern world no longer requires a honking idiot yelling at it from a position of bemusingly assumed superiority. That's bad news for this bloke:
ON MONDAY, The Sun will be launching a live phone-in show on the internet between 10am and 1pm, Monday to Friday.
Sony award winning DJ, Jon Gaunt will be fronting the show, with famous guests and regular contributions from Sun Columnists.
There's one gaping hole in the Moyles story. Smart claims that Radio One are going to ease Moyles out in September, and replace him with a "rising talent", but:
Drivetime presenter SCOTT MILLS will be asked to step in while a replacement is readied for the prized post.
If you're not dumping the current host until September, wouldn't that give you the best part of a half-year to "ready" your rising talent? Assuming the story, of course, is true.