Estonia. The very name conjurs magic, doesn't it? Estonia and its brave Estonian citizenry, and...
Okay. I'll be honest. I don't know much about modern Estonia. If only there was some way of discovering more about the Baltic state that was combined with some unthreatening Europop.
Hang about... what's this press release?
With Estonia slowly emerging as one of the UK’s most popular away breaks for families, Estonian pop star Hannah is launching a unique initiative to broaden awareness of the beautiful Baltic state amongst children and families in the UK. The aim is to use pop music to educate the British public via a tour of UK schools about all aspects of Estonia including tourism, technology and produce. This unique initiative is supported by the Estonian Embassy and Enterprise Estonia in London.
Who wouldn't want a pop star popping in to your class room to offer a few words on Estonian produce?
Actually, I'd hope this could be turned into a cultural exchange - can we send Frankie from the Saturdays to Eastern Europe with a selection of East Anglian produce and a powerpoint pulled together by BAe?
I'm struggling a little to work out how a tourist venue would "slowly emerge as one of the most popular away breaks" - is there, perhaps, a mysterious gap in the top ten list which scientists are starting to suspect might be filled by Estonia?
Tallinn, Estonia’s capital was recently named European City of Culture 2011. To further enhance the country’s image as a holiday destination and hub of technological innovation, Estonia’s big musical star, Hannah, will be embarking on a series of educational initiatives combining the promotion of her single with talks about everything Estonia has to offer.
There might be a suspicion that things are so tight in Estonia, Hannah can only afford to tour elsewhere if the government underwrites the costs, and in return she has to do these lectures. It could be worse, though - they could have decided to send over a civil servant more able to talk fluently about Estonian agriculture, getting them put on a bikini and run through a couple of sub-Sabrina numbers instead.
Estonia has an enviable reputation as one of Europe’s most beautiful countries with fairytale nature, historic cobbled cities and some of the EU’s most dynamic and innovative economies. The country is now emerging as one of the UK’s most popular away breaks for families and as the face and voice of Estonia, Hannah will be meeting British school children and sharing her passion for her home country.
Is it okay for someone to pop into school to do a bit of advertising? Sure, she's selling Estonia - but if she can go in to do that, isn't a principle established? Would Mel B then be able to visit the local comprehensive and push cosmetics, crotchless panties and rampant rabbits?
"To represent such a small but amazingly beautiful country is an honour for me,” says Hannah. “I carry the country with me wherever I am and Estonia is a mystical place."
Mystical? Are you sure? Mysterious, perhaps, but mystical is quite a claim. Tell me more of its transcendence...
...It’s a great country for finding some quiet time...
= not a great deal going on
...and you can walk through our historical medieval capital...
The implication being that there's not very much public transport
...and pop into our small shops.
She's making it sound a little bit like Devizes.
You can also discover the most amazing restaurants and spend hours enjoying the fabulous food
In other words, the service is slow and it takes quite a time to chew through the national dishes.
...or you can just leave the capital behind...
Are you saying that once you're outside the capital, there will be no more chances to go into small shops or restaurants?
...and find out into the countryside which also has so much to offer. Undiscovered forests, filled with berries and mushrooms...
How do you know they're filled with stuff if they're undiscovered?
...miles and miles of scenic beaches and beautiful small islands with some of the world’s best health-spas mean there's always plenty to do in Estonia and Estonian’s [sic] have a wonderfully natural and organic way of living.
Unlike, say, Norway or Cheltenham, where the lifeforms are inorganic.
Estonia is simply beautiful!”
You know what? It really is. We never got Estonians pimping their country when I was at school - just dour theatrics against nuclear power. But I'm not sure she's going to find today's kids really likely to go home and pester their parents to visit the country where you can see mushrooms growing wild.