Saturday, November 08, 2014

Cheryl upset at people calling her Cheryl

You know what makes Cheryl Fernandez-Versini angry? Apart from low-paid toilet attendants?

It's people not using her surname. Ooh, that makes her livid:

The X Factor judge changed her surname from Cole when she married Jean Bernard in a secret ceremony in the summer and she told Marie Claire magazine that making the change felt like the right thing to do.

"It's come quite naturally, you know", she said of getting used to her new name.

But the 31-year-old added: "People are so ignorant about it, they just start calling us Cheryl, but I'll take that, whatever."
Why would people be so ignorant? Why? Why?

It's not like you told them it'd be okay, is it?

Except when you said it was okay:
But only weeks after their wedding the pop beauty wants to be known only by her first name.

She said: “It’s just Cheryl because everyone seems to be having a hard time saying it.”
Or, indeed, when you dropped surnames altogether back in 2012, having assumed you had reached Madonna/Gandi one-name status:
The singer is reportedly dropping the name Cole - and like the music world's biggest stars, will simply be known by her first name - Cheryl.
It's hard to imagine how people could just call you Cheryl, what with you trying to use that as your personal brand and all. How ignorant people can be, eh?

Las Vegas trusts Britney with a key

I suppose the strangest thing about Britney Spears being given the key to the city of Las Vegas is that Las Vegas has keys at all. I've always pictured it as more of a place that has those plastic strips hanging in the doorway, like bookmakers used to have.

When life gives you lemons, you just push back the deadline

A general lack of interest in giving insurance salesperson Iggy Pop money to make a film in which Iggy played The Sandman looked set to keep the movie unmade.

Trouble is, rather than shrugging off the failure to raise the crowdfunding target, they just pushed the deadline back by a month.

For the time being, though, you'll just have to make do with this:

The horror: if you say 'Iggy' three times, you lose your no-claims bonus and have to pay a £500 excess.

Thursday, November 06, 2014

The backing singer suing Beyonce isn't the key bit of the story

Javon, a backing singer, claims in a lawsuit that Beyonce pinched XO off him. Not directly, apparently, Javon gave the song to someone else (apparently the third party was backing someone else with Javon, and then went on to back up Beyonce.)

That's not really interesting. Nor is the idea that Javon thinks he's reached the sort of status where he only needs one name.

What's shocking is this bit:

Javon is asking for millions in damages from Knowles in the handwritten complaint that he filed in New York without a lawyer. The judge granted him “pauper” status — which waives his court fees — because he said he makes just $2,800 a month working for Carnival Cruise Lines.
That's what's scandalous here. Not that Beyonce may or may not have stolen a song, but that pay on Carnival Cruise Lines is so crappy their staff are officially classed as paupers.

Carnival Cruise Lines pay their people so poorly, judges waive their court costs.

Javon, you're directing your anger at the wrong person.

Rudd charged with attempting to get men killed

Sometimes, Google answers its own questions:

Rock or bust? It's a bust.

ABC News has as much detail as we're allowed to know:
The drummer of Australian rock band AC/DC, Phil Rudd, has been been bailed after being charged with trying to procure the murder of two people in New Zealand.

The 60-year-old was also charged with threatening to kill and possession of methamphetamine and cannabis.

Rudd was arrested at his Tauranga home this morning and appeared in Tauranga District Court this afternoon.

In court, a judge ordered that the names of his alleged victims and that of the alleged hitman be suppressed.
There's a potential ten year sentence, should Rudd be convicted.

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

You cannot overstate how serious Iggy Azalea splitting her pants is

Iggy Azalea's tight pants split while she was playing a bar mitzvah. Elle doesn't quite suggest this is a significant event in human history, but only just manages to hold off:

But maybe the most striking thing about this incident is how horribly, cringe-tastically, shiver-inducingly relatable it is.
If that isn't to overstate it enough, there's more:
Iggy Azalea is all of us.
Yes, which of us can say we've not worn trousers a size too small to an event where a young person is coming of age? Truly, Iggy is all of us.

Tuesday, November 04, 2014

The stream is not Swift

As you'll know, Spotify no longer has Taylor Swift: No 1989; no nothing.

People are viewing the yanking of her catalogue through a prism of a Wall Street Journal piece from last year:

"Music is art, and art is important and rare," Swift wrote in the Journal. "Important, rare things are valuable. Valuable things should be paid for. It's my opinion that music should not be free, and my prediction is that individual artists and their labels will someday decide what an album's price point is. I hope they don't underestimate themselves or undervalue their art."
(Nice fudge there of 'individual artists and their labels' setting album price points; good luck, Iggy Spiggott out of Iggy And The Spiggotts in telling Sony you want your debut record to retail at £17.23.)

But is there another aspect to this story?

Music Ally has an interesting nugget:
Music Ally understands that [Swift's label] Big Machine was even in talks with Spotify at one point to have Swift’s new album ‘1989’ available to stream for premium customers only early in its sales window, but was knocked back by the streaming service.
Streaming is bad, especially when you've had a falling out with the people who run the servers.

Katie Melua finds a spider in her ear

Given the story is Katie Melua with a spider in her ear, shall we just go straight to the punchline which is the entire world shoving spiders into their ears when Katie Melua plays? Because we all know that's where this thing is going.

Monday, November 03, 2014

Jackobit: Tom Sneddon

Tom Sneddon, the prosecutor who somehow failed to convict Michael Jackson of child abuse, has died.

Jackson made a hamfisted attack on Sneddon via his music (although, to be fair, this was well into the period where everything Jackson did was hamfisted):

Jackson shot back in a thinly disguised swipe at the prosecutor in a song called "D.S." on the "HIStory" album. The song contains the lyrics, "Dom Sheldon is a cold man."
Sheldon, though, maintained that pursuing Jackson brought him no pleasure:
"If he had been convicted I think that part of it would have been a tragedy — like a Greek tragedy play of a person who obviously can bring great joy and entertainment to the people around the world, (who was) obviously a great entertainer at one point in his career, (who) could end up this way for whatever reason," he told The Associated Press in an interview after the verdict.
Sneddon might be better remembered as the man who pursued an Israeli couple accused of murder in the US despite the Israeli bar on extradition. But there were no idiots outside the courtroom with doves for that one, so it's Jackson which marks out his career.

Tom Sneddon was 73.

98 Degrees to a name on the ballot?

Justin Jeffre is running for mayor of Cincinnati. Or at least thinking of it:

A former pop star says he wants to run for Cincinnati mayor [...]

Justin Jeffre of 98 degrees is a queen city native.
And what, you may wonder, is the main political question that is driving this interest in representing the people of the Queen City?
He's pitching the idea for VH1 to do a reality show on his mayoral campaign. The cable network is considering it.
Excuse me, I'll just be over here, trying to sob myself to death.

In 2011, Jeffre was arrested for his part in Occupy Cincinnati, so he does at least have some sort of record to campaign on. Other than his records.

Clarinetobit: Acker Bilk

Acker Bilk, probably the most famous clarinet player in the world, has died.

This means news bulletins for the last day have been reverberating to the sound of Stranger On The Shore (or Jenny, as it was originally called when it was first released).

It's possible that Bilk, while enjoying the warmth of the tribute, might have been a little disappointed at the choice of music:

Clarinet player Acker Bilk says he is "fed up" with playing his most famous tune - Stranger on the Shore.

The 83-year-old jazz musician, who lives in Pensford, Somerset, had a worldwide hit in the early 1960s and has played it regularly ever since.

He told BBC Inside Out West reporter Alastair McKee the tune is "all right but you do get fed up with it after a bit".
Here he is, then, playing something else:

Acker Bilk was 85; he'd been ill for a short time.

Sunday, November 02, 2014

Rockobit: Wayne Static

Wayne Richard Wells, who as Wayne Static led the band Static X, has died. He was 48.

Static was as known for his back-combed hair (the result of a 20 minute process) and his facial hair as his music; the band with which he shared a name was disbanded last year as spats over ownership of the brand had got so convoluted Wayne thought it easier to walk away.

The cause of death hasn't been officially announced, but most tributes make reference - direct or veiled - to drug problems.

This week just gone

November spawned these monsters - most-read November stories of all time:

1. RIP: Casey Calvert
2. Nelly Furtado turns down half a million from Playboy
3. Katie Melua's friend hopes she's found a way to make her interesting
4. Casey Calvert's probable cause of death
5. The best of 2006, as chosen by other people
6. Adam Lambert fakes a blow-job; ABC freaks out
7. Kylie Minogue is flogging her knickers
8. RIP: John Beatz Holohan
9. RIP: Donda West
10. NME publishes cool list; Zero magazine launches

These were this week's interesting releases:

The Twilight Sad - Nobody Wants To Be Here And Nobody Wants To Leave

Download Nobody Wants...

Ting Tings - Super Critical

Download Super Critical

Taylor Swift - 1989